~stanandsara~

Bandages

2012-01-30T12:52:00.000-08:00

For Christmas Maggie got Dora the Explorer bandages. They certainly didn't last long. Unfortunately, she did a similar thing with a role of postage stamps.

2012-01-22T00:36:00.000-08:00

Henry climbed in the toy box

These days we have Henry sleeping in our room. I hooked up the Ipod to our stereo so we could play white noise at the night. Henry is such a light sleeper and it helps him sleep longer.

I couldn't wait to go to be early tonight. I crawled into bed at 11pm and tossed and turned thinking about all the things I need to do. My favorite soundtrack is a rhythmic sound of waves rolling up onto smooth white Caribbean shore. There is slight pause in the track that occurs every thirty two minutes. I heard the pause twice before I got out of bed to get a drink of water and decided to write this post. By the way this isn't even on my list of this to do. But I was hoping to distract my mind from all the other noises in there.

Life has been crazy lately. I have been busy with contract work and Sara now works Tuesdays through Saturdays. I decided to put the kids in daycare two half days to help me keep up with things... but with everyone sick that didn't really work out this week.

Maggie has been trying to opening the car door for months but just yesterday she pulled it open as if she had been doing it for years. We ran out of pull-ups so she has graduated to nickers and made it through her first night without an incident.

Henry who always gets sick the worst has been keeping us up all week. Today I put him down for a nap in the room. I heard him stirring after an hour but then he fell silent. After another forty-five minutes I remember I didn't lay him in his crib. I ran into the room and found him contently thumbing through Sara's collection of "Anne of Green Gables". Lately, he really enjoy playing by himself. Sometimes Maggie can get him rolling in laughter by being silly. Sara can get him to dance by singing to him. It is very cute.

I am desperately trying to get Maggie to play gentle with Henry. She really loves Henry but she is likes to roughhouse. I told her today that we needed to play gentle like a cat and not rough like a dog. I didn't want her to identify her actions as malicious but just rough. Although, Michelle told me the metaphor wouldn't work at her house because her cat likes to bite.

Maggie giving Mother Nature a hand

Happy New Years!

2012-01-01T20:44:00.000-08:00

A New Years goal: Spend more time with family!

Our New Years Party was uneventful. We could hear the fireworks from Las Vegas outside but we were too lazy to walk outside to see them, instead we watched them from our TV inside. Which seems really strange and kinda funny to me.

I am still brainstorming for goals... but I do plan on writing down some small and accomplish-able goals. I also decided to factor reality into my process, since in I know in a week or two week at best there will be lack of desire and complacency. Maybe I will post some of my goals to hold myself more accountable:)

Two days to Christmas

2011-12-22T23:42:00.000-08:00

Maggie had so much fun with Grandma and Uncle Jonathan... despite our plea to extend their stay they were under the heavy spell of Aunt Michelle. It is true her house is pet friendly and the food is better... and Grandma and Jonathan will get there own room BUT... well, I guess I see why they left... rrrr!!

8 Days to Christmas

2011-12-17T23:34:00.000-08:00

An amazing thing about Sara is her willingness to give, even at the cost of her own ambitions. Our wedding announcement is the perfect example of that. I had this crazy idea and instead of shooting it down, she let me wield the sword. I know she would have rather had something simple and legible but she wanted me to have something I wanted, even at the cost of her own ideas. When I think of great gifts, this type of self sacrifice is the key ingredient. That is to say, not all great gifts come wrapped up in a box.

9 Days to Christmas

2011-12-16T22:21:00.000-08:00

Maggie and me came up with some great homemade gifts this year. We ran around like crazy today trying to finish up Maggie's gift to Taya. Maggie was so pleased with the results she asked if we could make one for her too. Sara is also in for a real treat this year but we can't really talk about that.

10 days to Christmas

2011-12-15T23:53:00.000-08:00

I hope my little count down isn't making anyone nervous but I guess if you have time to read the blog then your done with the Christmas cards and presents...right? The best part about living in Las Vegas is the steady stream of visitors we get. We only wish we had more room to host people. Although I think we have hosted over ten people in single night. Hey, pioneer families lived in a single room so we feel like we are richest people on the face of the planet.

Eleven Days to Christmas

2011-12-14T21:48:00.000-08:00

All our homemade gifts are starting to arrive from amazon. We got two packages today and one yesterday. We are still waiting for our Christmas cards to arrive from the printers. Hopefully, they arrive before Christmas. We still don't have a single present for the kids but we have time... right? Well, I found this picture of Sara and Henry in the archives... and I thought why not just squeeze it into the post. Christmas season is way too busy... I guess this picture serves to remind me what it is all about.

twelve days to Christmas

2011-12-13T17:00:00.000-08:00

Since Sara and I return from our honeymoon, we had to make uncomfortable changes and life plans have been altered... and the struggles have only increased. There are days when life seems hard and nothing seems to be going according to plans. But I think we are equally committed to the struggle... and that creates the greatest bond of trust... that I wouldn't trade for anything.

I'd like to start my first day of twelve days before Christmas (not to be confused with the twelve days of Christmas) by expressing my gratitude for Sara. But seriously, I have never trusted someone more than I trust Sara. I have discovered that trust is the single most important part of a relationship for me. I know the things I share with her will safely stay with her. She is a very private person, almost obsessively private. Often, she tells me she can't share something because it involves someone's trust, which only confirms my trust in her. But Sara is unlike me because she actually has a desire to share, whereas I often do not.

I hold secrets close to my heart. There a many conversations I have never shared with anyone. I am good at holding onto others' secrets. But it is also the trait of a master criminal mind, silently executing secret plans without the risk of disclosure. The attribute frightens me and it is the subject of many dreams, where I remember something terrible I have done and that had been forgotten. And it is not just the darker things that are left unsaid... the truth is, I have to make an effort to share the many good things I feel inside too. In sharing my gratitude I've discovered an even greater gratitude for others. That said it is not my strong suit.

I know it seems ironic since I am the author of most of these post, to say I am a non-sharer. But there is a divide in my mind between sharing and writing out thoughts or talking. Often people confuse sharing with the ability to be social and shyness with the ability to keep private. Some people may think that when someone is sharing, what may seem personal, that they are being open and trusting. But everyone divides private thoughts and public thoughts in different places. I can be social and actually not share anything personal or close to my heart, even though I may share personal thoughts and experiences.

I believe it is good to share and trust people but there are various levels of trust and sharing. Trusting someone with your darkest and most shameful or embarrassing thoughts and deeds is certainly the deepest trust I know. I am grateful to be married to someone I trust more than anyone I know.

Back in October

2011-12-13T00:38:00.000-08:00

Stairs are synonymous with dirt, tape, boxes and sticks. I can't think of a kid that doesn't like them. Maggie had fun with her cousins getting dirty with chalk art on the sidewalk. They drew some real master pieces.

Feeling generous

2011-12-09T20:56:00.000-08:00

I decided I am a picture hoarder. I don't know if anyone realizes just how many photographs I have been meaning to get around too. I have even more that I intend to nothing with. I guess I finally decided I should start publishing in larger blocks. So here is the rest of Thanksgiving in Vancouver.

Fall in Vancouver is beautiful

Waiting at the train station.

Amazing Wii pictures

Maggie watching the Thanksgiving parade in Portland

Rebecca playing drums in Parade, beats marching

Henry and Taya with cousin

Pilgrims meet the indians

Basking in the sun

Running the stairs

2011-12-05T12:20:00.000-08:00

Okay, I didn't run as many laps as the girls because I was setting my camera but I was sore for days afterwards.

Henry update

2011-12-04T08:09:00.001-08:00

Henry is eating solids. For starters, rice cereal, spaghetti squash, carrots, banana and cheerios.

Henry loves making eye contact and people watching. A simple acknowledgement and his straight faces turns into a warm smile and never fails to make people happy.

We have Henry on a slow flow nipple, otherwise he would down a bottle in a few seconds. The image above illustrates his suction power, the nipple on the left is new and the one on the right is Henry's.

Maggie and Henry playing around

2011-11-29T15:20:00.001-08:00

Thanksgiving in Vancouver

2011-11-27T21:58:00.001-08:00

We always love to visit my sister and her family. It is nice to have family close to Taya, who has lived in the northwest most of teenage life. On the last day of our trip the clouds parted and we were able to get some pictures outside.

2011-11-17T19:22:00.001-08:00

My boss has been hassling me about posting to the blog... rrrrr!!!
(images provided via skype conversations)

Never enough

2011-11-06T19:36:00.000-08:00

Salmon for dinner again... yummy, we love it when the Grandparents visit... it is always a good excuse to break out the salmon.

Treasure trove

2011-11-03T09:06:00.000-07:00

The kids were tireless on Halloween. Maggie went trick-or-treating with her friends, Anna and Hannah. Anna was so good with Maggie and led her around most of the night. They loaded up with a treasure trove of candy. We had to empty her pumpkin so that she could continue stuffing candy in it. To her dismay we dumped it in the back of the stroller. Like any mad pirate, she ran after her treasure and kept stealing the candy back. We had to remind her several times it was all hers (at least that portion that wouldn't be pillaged by her parents). Two hours later...they were still running like energizer bunnies. They would have keep going but we ran out of houses in the neighborhood

Now I am thinking about starting my training for next years marathon.

Truck or Treat

2011-10-28T14:01:00.001-07:00

Rrrr little pirate and doggy!

Henry's first Sunday tie

2011-10-26T11:02:00.000-07:00

We finally got Henry a collar shirt for all the ties Aunt Carly and Cinnamon gave him. He is growing fast. Currently, he can roll across the room and stand on his own while holding onto the coffee table. He is a very curious and likes to people watch. If a stranger makes eye contact, he is bound to give them one of his big smiles.

Donovan family vacation

2011-10-25T00:42:00.000-07:00

We were feeling like Vegas when the Donovans came to visit us as part of their vacation destination. It is true that we are fun and feed everyone yummy food. We played Simon-says and I threw the adults with my first set of instructions, granted I had given the boys some prior training. Who knew Simon-says could be so fun!

Clarke

2011-10-18T08:00:00.000-07:00

I have so many great memories of my brother, Clarke. He was the big brother I aspired to be. I used to try to squint like he did when surveying a room without his glasses. He taught me it was not cool to run while walking across a busy road. Whenever he gave me a ride to school he would make sure to drive his jeep up on the curb, like he was dropping off a rock star. Clarke was a great big brother and he still is. If I have mechanical problems or anything is broken, he is the first person I call.

Happy Birthday!

Growing up, Clarke taught me things that were outside of my paradigm. Like anyone else, I inherited a lot behaviors from my family, some good and some bad. When I was a child I assumed my parents were always right. I also assumed the way our family functioned was how every family functioned. But my brother didn't always follow along.

One of my most memorable childhood memories took place one night when my family was walking up the street to a neighbor's party. That night my dog got hit by a car. We always had all kinds of animals growing up, dogs, cats, ducks, geese, chickens and horses to name a few but the death of an animal was so frequent that sometimes animals were never even named. There was no way my dog, whose name was Scooter, was going to the vet and Dad pronounce him dead. So we laid his body on our lawn and continued to the party.

I wanted to do something but what? I thought there must be something I could do but I couldn't think of anything. I continued with my family to the party but soon after arriving Clarke left and retrieved Scooter's body. He wrapped the dog up and nursed him back to life for the next several hours while we were away. When we returned home and I discovered he had saved my dog, this of course made endeared me to my brother. I don't know were he learned that kind of compassion but he was always saving and adopting abandoned pets, much to the chagrin of our parents. I was always more apt to follow along, while he was able to see another way... of course, there was a rebellious side to this attribute.

My brother was also the first person I ever heard say, "I am sorry". I don't know where he learned it because those words weren't part of our family lexicon. Even today, it is challenging for me to admit being wrong and to apologize.

I really feel blessed and I will always love Clarke. Happy Birthday and cheers to big brothers.

Carly

2011-10-11T22:07:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Carly Jane!

One year Carly gave a special birthday post to everyone in the family when it was their birthday. I loved it! Stanford came up with the idea recently to do the same thing and it just so happens that Carly's birthday is the first to fall in line.

I can't say enough good things about my sister Carly. What I love most about her is her cheerful disposition. Ever since I can remember Carly has looked at the bright side of things. Even during hard times she focuses on the good and does not complain. What a remarkable gift she gives to herself, her family, and friends by choosing to be cheerful!

Carly is also quite the creative girl. I am in love with all her creations and love to get a handmade gift from her. I treasure them all. She definitly got my mother's gene when it comes to sewing and creativity. I know the hours she spends thinking about & researching what she wants to make for someone and the hours she spends creating it. My sister is truly talented!

Carly also has a deep love for the gospel, and for her role as a mother, wife, sister, friend. You inspire me to be a better person Carly! We sure do love you around here and hope you have an awesome birthday!!!

Maggie sleeps anywhere

2011-10-09T20:57:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been force to sleep in an airport terminal? Somehow I don't think it would be a problem for Maggie. Lately, she has been falling asleep in the most awkward places, especially on a Sundays when nap time is pushed back several hours. Last week she crawled up on the baby changing table and fell asleep. The other day, in the middle of lunch she curled up on her chair and fell asleep. When I tried to coax her to her bed she insisted that she needed to finish her lunch, so I replied that I would put her lunch in the refrigerator for later, but she insisted on eating. Only after a few minutes I returned to find her asleep on her bed and her plate in the refrigerator.

It's the journey not the destination

2011-10-07T22:31:00.000-07:00

We try to get out to the park in the morning. Lately, it has been in the cool 70s with the recent rain. I put Henry in the bike trailer and Maggie rides up front with me. The Pittman Wash next to our house is adjacent to several parks that we like to visit, so it is a convenient setup. Along our ride to the park, Maggie wanted to go down a look at the rocks in the wash. Obviously, this was a nice detour from our usual routine. Maggie had so much fun that we spent our morning playing in the mud and didn't even make it to the park. Henry, who was wrapped up in a blanket, quietly slipped into a long morning nap.

Double the pleasure

2011-10-03T16:02:00.000-07:00

The great benefit about living in between family is you get two visits instead of one.

Ten points to know if you're a baby whisper

2011-10-02T17:00:00.000-07:00

Finding general conference

2011-10-01T11:38:00.000-07:00

Las Vegas has large community of Mormons, which is not surprising since it was first settled by Mormon pioneers in the mid-eighteen hundreds. Mormons account for about 12 percent of the population in Southern Nevada. Due to the significant number of members living here, LDS general conference can be heard on local radio and television stations.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormon) broadcast general conference twice a year to members around the world. It is a chance for anyone to hear the words of living prophet of the Lord. I have been tuning into all TEN HOURS of the broadcast for years. General Conference has become increasingly more important to me but every April and October, I find myself searching the internet trying to find the best place to tune into general conference. This always seems to be a fruitless endeavor since many of the keys words are common search terms. I typically end up frustratingly thumbing through the stations until I find it.

Of course, the easiest place to find the broadcast is on the Church's official website but the online streaming video can be choppy due to the overwhelming demand. The following are some great resources I found for watching the conference:

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints official website.
BYU Broadcasting and TV for online streaming.
Bonneville Communication, for local listing of radio, TV and cable stations.

Warning

2011-09-30T17:00:00.000-07:00

The label they didn't put on your BABY!

May cause sleep deprivation. Will be the cause of intense emotions. Letting your baby cry will not reduce side effects. If baby cries, remain calm. If you find yourself overly frustrated, place baby in a safe place and return with a plan to remain calm. Remember many plans and strategies will fail. Breath deeply, do not over-think baby needs. Remember there are four basic cries: 1) My diaper is exploding! 2) Can get some milk with my oreos? 3) My eyes are bloodshot for a reason!!! 4) Look at me I'm an opera singer :-o

All cries, dietary needs and sleeping patterns are subject to change.

Children's books: Favorite finds of 2011

2011-09-29T17:00:00.000-07:00

Most these children books I found at the library, definitely worth the read.

More Henry...

2011-09-28T17:00:00.000-07:00

Technically I lied about Henry's happy disposition because now that he can roll over, he gets frustrated more because once on his stomach he wants to move around. I use to me able to put him on the floor for a good hour, now it is only a matter of minutes before he starts crying in frustration. Still he does smile a lot and he is a very ticklish boy with a contagious laugh.

Candyland

2011-09-27T15:09:00.000-07:00

We always like it when Grandma visits because we know there will be candy in house for days to come... And now that she doesn't eat candy, there is even more to go around:) Plus, she always brings other unexpected and extraordinary gifts, like Henry's blanket hanging on the wall in the background. This visit we also got a bread cutter, not shown and something I never knew existed. The pink the blanket on the bed is also Grandma's handy work. I should take a picture of the stitching so that you can get a sense of how emaculated and amazing these blankets are.

PS. Thanks Paige for letting us be a beneficiary... we all know you are the motivation behind Mom's trip:)

Henry smiles

2011-09-25T09:38:00.000-07:00

Henry likes to smile. While testing out his vocal cords, he gets some high pitches that I am sure only dogs can hear. He also enjoys laying on his stomach, which Maggie always detested. He is a happy boy as long as he is fed and gets enough sleep. Both of our children hate the car seat and pretty much scream the entire time they are in the car. This pretty much makes me want to never go anywhere. But I am beginning to think it might be the car seat... I really thought kids were suppose to like car rides??? Speaking of things Henry dislikes, he won't let me hold him while sitting at the computer... this is my excuse for not posting more often.

Landmarks

2011-08-28T07:59:00.000-07:00

Henry rolled over for the first time this week and Maggie made it through the night without wetting her pull-up. I know it is crazy but these are major landmarks. We like to bike to the park every morning, which is difficult because Henry is sleepy in the morning. We try to get out by 8am, before the temperatures are too high. This week it was about 95 degrees in the morning. I thought it felt wonderful but several mothers showed up with their children and quickly left after only a few minutes, exclaiming it was too hot. I guess I have acclimatized to the weather because nothing above 90 degrees ever felt good to me before. Maggie doesn't seem to be phased by the heat, although I think Henry, who sweats up a storm, would rather stay inside all day.

Off to college

2011-08-23T11:00:00.000-07:00

Uncle Chad, Aunt Paige and Grandma stopped on there way to BYU. We spent a few hours at the pool. Paige was vicious in the pool while she tirelessly worked on her synchronized swimming routines. Maggie increasingly braves the water on her own, this time with a pool noodle between the stairs and Chad. Afterward, Grandma was a good sport and helped me rally the troops to take pictures of everyone disheveled and hungry. Apparently, I didn't get the memo that we were playing the part in the picture above:)

Destined friends

2011-08-21T21:53:00.000-07:00

Maggie loves little Henry. Sometimes we battle to keep her away from him. She can be gentle and dangerous in her playful adoration, ranging from tender kisses to piling things atop of him. Sara is better at letting Maggie hold Henry, while I spend most my time telling her to stay away from him.

Henry likes to sleep in the morning and late afternoon, while Maggie likes to sleep at noon. It is rare when I get them both to nap at the same time. Despite the lack of free time, I noticed my motivation to send out resumes has dramatically increased. This is my excuse for the not blogging. I definitely think Sara could juggle the world of two children better than me. Sure there at great moments but I am looking forward to the day when I can pass the baton and admire Mother's who stay at home with their children from a distance:)

Pioneer Day

2011-07-24T15:22:00.000-07:00

This is the first year we have been able to celebrate pioneer day here at home with the family. Maggie got to walk in the parade behind the bagpipes. It was the best part of the parade. Later we got hosed down by the fire department. This has to be the best free event in Henderson. They go way out. We had so much fun. I can't believe just three stakes organize this event. It was incredible.

TBC

2011-07-20T14:26:00.000-07:00

Grandma, Tasha and the boys camped out on the floor this week during their visit. I actually took some amazing pictures on our trip to Redrock but as fate would have it... I shot them without a memory card in my camera. Okay, they probably weren't amazing but we will never know will we? It was a fun visit, we spent most of our days baking in the sun at the pool.

Ice cream prayer

2011-07-15T15:57:00.000-07:00

Like clockwork Maggie has been getting up at 5 AM every morning. She is an effective alarm clock... gone are the days of laying in bed half-asleep, instead we stumbling out of the room with Maggie in tow, hoping Henry will continue sleeping despite the ruckus.

Last night Sara and Maggie made ice cream. It was well past her bedtime before we realized the ice cream wouldn't be ready until morning, so it was off to bed with promises of ice cream tomorrow. This morning, the first thing off her tongue was an excited, "Ice cream!" I set out a big bowl of ice cream for breakfast and reminded her to say a prayer. She sat up and rambled off her first prayer of independence with a clear... Amen.

Canadian Bears: Day 4

2011-06-14T21:50:00.000-07:00

I spent ten days backpacking through the back-country of Banff and Jasper with my good friend, Jared, and the only bear we saw was a speck on the horizon. Today we woke up early with fairy dust in the air; our destination: the Columbia Icefield. We stopped to see Peyto Lake which was well worth the short hike. Afterward we spotted our first black bear. Tonya was screaming and we were all frantic trying to find our cameras. He was walking along the road and walked within a few feet of the car, needless to say we were fumbling around. Soon a large crowd gathered to watch him. The bear was only feet away and fortunately for the cows (crowds) it was busy eating dandelions.

Before we made it to Icefield we spotted another huge grizzly. Taylor and I were determined to get a good picture. Our last encounter left us thinking bears are docile. We were dangerously close when the grizzly rose onto his hind feet. I quickly looked around to see if I could outrun the guy in front of me and then the grizzly jumped into shrubs, turned and sprinted off. He was obviously chasing a small chipmunk or something, I was just glad it wasn't us after seeing the speed of these magnificent creatures.

The drive to the Colombia Icefield was beautiful. The glaciers were incredibly mysterious and awe inspiring. On the way back we spotted another black bear. In Banff we took a tram to the top of the mountain but by then I was exhausted, unlike those who I had napped along the way.

Banff National Park, Canada: Day 3

2011-06-13T20:35:00.000-07:00

Moraine Lake, Banff National Park

We met a traveler from Scotland that told us that if we wanted to find bears we had to "stop looking for them and just look for the cows", which later we identified as "crowds". We were determined to find a bear and despite our futile effort not to look, our minds became more focused on finding one. Today we toured the lakes, popular tourist destinations but we took the back roads between lake sites in search of wildlife. The last sketch of road along our journey, Grandma suggested we say a prayer. I know it sounds ridiculous but I believe in a loving God who takes interest in our trite concerns. Almost instantly we spotted the cows or crowds that is. Foraging in woods were two grizzly bears. We were able to watch them from a safe distance as they overturned rocks and logs while feeding on grass. It was a beautiful site. After awhile we all piled into the car and I mentioned that now all we needed to see was a wolf or badger. Incredibly a half mile down the road an elusive wolf softly trotted across the road and into the brush. That was incredible too. We offered a prayer of gratitude, the importance of which I learned from my Grandpa Golden. I think we all fell asleep with smiles on our faces that night.

Lake Louise, Banff National Park

Lake Louise Lodge

Moraine Lake, Banff National Park

Wolf

Grizzly

Yoho & Banff National Park, Canada: Day 2

2011-06-12T07:55:00.000-07:00

After a small detour to visit Thai On The Fly (five stars) in the outskirts of Salmon [sal-muhn] Arm, we arrived in Revelstoke to our small overprice room at the Swiss Chalet Motel (two star). It was so small that it became comical. We had to climb over each other to move around. Sunday morning, we drove to church in Golden. We pulled in right in time, only to discover that we had neglected the time zone change, which made us an hour late. The LDS Church in Golden is small, only five members. The branch President was very nice and allowed us to partake of the sacrament. Taylor bore a fine testimony and that was church in nutshell.

We really wanted to see some bears so we a took a recommended detour... but no bears. Finally we got back on Highway 1 and drove into Yoho Nation Park and stopped in Field to inquire about bears. The park ranger told us some crazy stories about bears but at the end of the day we had none of our own. It was beautiful country nonetheless.

Natural Bridge on Crazy Horse River

Behind the scenes

Many arms @ Emerald Lake

Into Canada: Day 1

2011-06-11T11:02:00.000-07:00

The first day of our road trip we crossed over a bridge and off Whidbey Island and headed north into Canada. Even the air seemed cleaner in Canada, yet we didn't hear a single "aye" or "cheers", that didn't happen until day two. After a few hours into Canada we stopped in the little town of Hope to see the Othello Tunnels, where we learn about Canada's effort to thwart the aggressive Americans from monopolizing the railroad across the Northern Continent. The tunnels are now a walking trail but back in-the-day trains past through them transporting goods and people into British Columbia. Passenger trains would run through the gorge at night to avoid overlooking the twist and turns of deep gorge of the Othello Tunnels.

While we were off exploring the tunnels our car was ticketed. I guess in Canada they ticket for good behavior because it was only a notice to let us know that our stuff was stashed away and locked up properly. We received excellent marks in protecting our car from theft, which as unfortunately has become a problem in the area. Anyway, it was my first ticket for good behavior!

Taya's Graduation

2011-06-10T06:37:00.000-07:00

Taya graduated with honors from Coupeville High. It was my first visit to the island since she moved there. Whidbey Island is beautiful especially the town of Coupeville. The graduating class was small. It was really cool to see the attention given to each student. Before the ceremony they projected two images of each student, one childhood photo and one senior picture. They also paired each student with there best friend, so Taya got walk the procession with her best friend, Tess. How many graduating classes can do that? Anyway, I am really proud of her and I am glad we made it... speaking of which... we walked in only seconds before the ceremony started, we almost felt like dignitaries because it seemed like the town had been waited for us. Jenny had save us seats on the front row, so we quickly walked to the front with all eyes upon us and took our seats and then ceremonies started. It was surreal.

Maggie and Payton

2011-06-07T00:08:00.000-07:00

I really dislike taking pictures in full sunlight. I only do it when I am forced. Michelle asked, so I pulled out my camera shot two-hundred pictures in-full-sunlight. I thought these images captured our hour in heat of the day.

Henry's Blessing

2011-06-05T23:10:00.000-07:00

I really have a great family. We were sad not everyone could make it but we are grateful for everyone who made the long journey. Henry made it through his baby blessing without screaming, which constitutes a celebration. We had pulled pork with homemade rolls by Sara. Michelle provided a delicious pasta salad. Costco provide chopped fruit. Grandma Torgerson provided yummy cookies. We also celebrate Uncle Blake's birthday. It was a worthy celebration. I only wish I had more pictures.

The group minus Maggie, who wandered off

babies sleeping

Henry with Mom

Blake's birthday cake, by Sara

The Donovan boys

Maggie with Aunt and Uncles

Maggie with Mom

First month

2011-06-02T21:50:00.000-07:00

Henry is a month old... and we are looking forward to when he gets on a regular schedule. He enjoys being held as a remedy for his tears but when he is hungry no amount of soothing will comfort him. Maggie enjoys singing to him and giving him kisses and hugs, so much so that we have to regulate her affection. If he cries too long, she is quick to remind us that Henry is crying. The best is when they are both crying and screaming, I don't think we could have handled that a year ago but now it just seems comical.

The second child is a lot more enjoyable because we are less stressed and more relaxed. We both find ourselves laughing more at things that should be upsetting. Although, Maggie did drop Henry on his head from the couch and Sara was extremely worried, but he bounced back without anything more than a small bump.

Despite feeling slightly more experienced, we often feel exhausted and wonder what we are getting into. I don't know how anyone has more than one child. Certainly after the first you know about the difficulties. But we ignored ours fears and dismissed logic and just did what seemed right.

“Who of us is mature enough for offspring before offspring themselves arrive? The value of marriage is not that adults produce children, but that children produce adults.” Peter De Vries

Update

2011-06-01T20:51:00.000-07:00

Okay, Henry isn't always sleeping these days. Lately he has been restless and with cold. I must say, there is nothing more beautiful than a sleeping child... especially to sleep deprived parents.

Henry Geddy style

2011-05-20T05:00:00.000-07:00

We squeezed Henry in a pot and snapped a few pictures. Of course, Maggie didn't want to be left out.

In Grandma's arms

2011-05-18T05:00:00.000-07:00

This is the view you see looking down at Henry in your arms.

Circumcision

2011-05-16T23:08:00.001-07:00

I don't know if I will ever forget today. I was still in my childhood when a friend told me about circumcision. I couldn't believe it... it was difficult to imagine something I had never seen, well not until today. Warning to the faint of heart, circumcision is the closest thing to mid-evil torture I have ever seen. Everyone always describe it to me like it was really nothing but the whole process was more intense than I ever imagined... and feel compelled to record it. At least, I wish at some point in my life I had some information about my own circumcision and I thought Henry might appreciated at some future date. If nothing else but to demystify it.

WARNING: Information below if very graphic - read at your own discretion

Sara applied some medicine and gave him a dose of Tylenol before we left to visit our pediatrician. We had to sign a paper and the doctor gave us one last opportunity to back out. I walked down to a small room with a dusty printer in one corner and examination table in middle. Poor little Henry was strapped down to a white plastic table, that had the imprint of a little body with arm and leg straps. There was no turning back at this point.

Henry was screaming like he knew what was about to happen before the doctor did anything. I held his little head in my hand. They gave him a binky laced with medicine, which really didn't seem to calm him. Two shoots were given to numb everything, the needle was very long and Henry's scream really intensified. The doctor was very good at explaining everything to me probably because he had a student assistant with him. Then they took a long needle nose prier instrument and ran it around the inside perimeter of the foreskin, this was to help separate the layers of skin and to locate the tip of the penis. Until this point I had always imagined a small amount of skin being trimmed back but to my dismay the length of foreskin was staggering. The doctor then clamped down along the front of the foreskin with pliers. I remember the clicking of tool as it locked into place. We patiently waited for the blood vessel to contract to minimize the amount of bleeding. It took about two minutes before it was removed. With scissors the doctor cut along the foreskin where the clamp had been. The skin was then pealed apart and back. He noted the unusual thickness of his foreskin. They cleaned everything out and noted a mole that would also be removed.

The next tool is hard to describe. It kind of resembled a metal garlic press. A protect cup was placed over the tip of the penis and the foreskin was rolled back over outside and pinned back together with a safety pin. Then another part of tool was slipped over to clamp around the circumference and was tightened over the foreskin. Henry was still crying and was very sweaty to my touch. The student assistant was allow to cut around the foreskin and the doctor came in and aggressively removed any remaining skin, separating the foreskin completely. The clamp was finally removed. The doctor cleaned up what little blood was there. He then wrapped his penis gently with a bandage. I ran down the hall to get a new diaper. Finally he was unstrapped from the table and I put him in a diaper and held him in my arms. He was covered with sweat but had fallen into a calm whimper. I walked over to the room where Sara and Maggie were waiting and put him in his mother's arms. It was surreal. It was like nothing I ever imagined but I was glad I was able to hold his little head through ordeal and can't image not having been there. What a crazy life experience.

Cocoon

2011-05-16T05:00:00.000-07:00

our little caterpillar

Things that double for a pirate hat

Grandma

2011-05-14T05:00:00.000-07:00

Goodbye kisses and our wire walker

2011-05-12T22:44:00.000-07:00

Ah, the benefits of living between California and BYU baseball games. I don't know what we will do when the season is over... but we love being a rest stop. We only wish we had a guest room instead of a floor to offer. Maggie and Grandpa T. are both early risers... she was excited to walk Grandpa out to the car to say good-bye. Afterward, Maggie worked on her wire walking skills.

Pajamas

2011-05-10T14:06:00.000-07:00

I hope this quiet stage last forever.

Sunday dress

2011-05-09T22:44:00.000-07:00

Last week Maggie opened her closet and pointed to a polka-dot dress her Grandma Richins gave her. She must have thinned out because a few months ago it didn't fit. Anyway, I pulled it out and she wore it the whole day... oh ya, this was on a week day. I guess sometimes you need to get dressed up and hang around the house.

Playing with her rocks

Maggie's nose fascination... just pumping air!

Mother's Day

2011-05-08T21:47:00.000-07:00

Being a parent continually gives me insight into my own parents. I think about all the mistakes I make as a parent... and my parent's mistakes seem smaller. Parents are really just big kids trying to figure things out too. The truth is most children love their parents despite the mistakes they make. I am so grateful for a mother. Since Maggie was born I have been working from home and taking care of her. I think this is the toughest job. My Mom is wonderful person. She worked from home too and managed to provide a sense of stability. My Father was prone to spending money before he had any, so my Mom was typically the parent paying the essential bills. On top of that she cooked the meals and kept the house clean, with a little help from her children. I can now look back at those difficult financial times with some amusement. But they were difficult times and I thank my Mother for getting us through them. Because of my Mother I have a deep respect for this difficult job. My Mother is a saint.

Sara is also a wonderful Mom. Of course, nothing has turned out like we planned. Instead of staying home with the children, she has been working full-time. Because my work is sporadic at best, it has been difficult to rely on. I know this role reversal is huge sacrifice for her. I truly appreciate her patience and hard work. Some days she returns to a messy house and manages to cook dinner "quesadillas" because I am too overwhelmed with work and managing Maggie. Unlike my Mother who often carried most of the load on her own, Sara rushes in when I falling apart. I think we try our best to support each other. I am grateful for someone who will share my load. And in return, I am happy to lend a hand when the roles are reversed.

All I can say is mothers are the bedrock... they're the best!

The game

2011-05-06T22:35:00.000-07:00

I think they thought I was going to take pictures of the game but instead I swiveled by tripod around and set my camera on incremental pictures. This is what I got from the series... no coaching or instructions were provided.

3 days old

2011-05-05T21:16:00.000-07:00

Maggie tenderly reached into Henry's mouth to remove some dead skin on his lip. Holding it between her fingers and exclaiming, "guck!"

Bubble Machine

2011-05-04T08:52:00.000-07:00

Grandma T. has been on a mission to find the ultimate bubble machine. Maggie was so excited. They sat out on the lawn an blew bubbles until the sprinkler came on. It was great fun! We all love having Grandma around.

Big sister... departure day

2011-05-03T22:34:00.000-07:00

Maggie has been getting frustrated with all the new things that are off limits. "No, the swing is for the baby. No, that's the baby's toy. No, that is Henry's crib." It seems that for the last few weeks she has known her life was about to change. Of course, she didn't like the changes she could see. When she walked into the hospital room she wouldn't speak and shyly hid in the corner of the room. She slowly warmed up to Henry. After his first day home, I think she feels less threatened.. although she got a bit jealous when Henry was breastfeeding. She does genuinely respond to his soft cries and you can see it in her eyes that she understands her little brother. Ah... finally someone I can relate my woes to.

Henry Dean Richins

2011-05-02T08:47:00.000-07:00

Henry was born yesterday at 6:51 pm. He weight in at 8lbs 11oz and measure 19.5" long. UMC is recording his birth weight at 8lbs 7oz but I have a picture of his actual weight.. ha! The labor was the opposite of Maggie, who came under great duress. Our nurse, Pat, was wonderful. Her philosophy was to wait for the baby to come down the canal on his own. Her water broke around 4pm while the nurse was measuring her. She was surprised by the amount of fluids... she kept saying, "oh, my!" as more and more fluids poured out. Henry was patiently waiting and the nurse told Sara to relax and try not to push until Dr. Harter arrived. When the doctor arrived it was only a few pushes. The doctor and nurse were coaching Sara to not push hard. Henry's head came out and the Doctor let her reach down and touch his raisin head as it appeared. Soon his little body was out completely. I quickly cut the cord and the nurses were patting him down and taking measurements. When the Doctor pulled out the placenta (sorry no picture) he remarked how large and healthy it was. It was about the size of Henry and Dr. Harter put his hands in the sack to stretch it out to get a better idea of its size, remarking, "Look at the size of that swimming pool." Undoubtedly he was enjoying a good life inside the womb. We got to hold Henry and Sara breast feed him which made it a wonderful experience. After a half hour the nurses took him away to nursery.... more to come....

In the waiting room

Sara's badge with time and date

Hospital decor

Henry's real birth weight

Little hand

Nurse Pat

First contact

Dr Harter

Eggs

2011-04-25T06:42:00.000-07:00

I don't remember the last time I dyed eggs and had an Easter egg hunt. It was so much fun... that I don't know if we can wait another years before we do it again. I think next year Maggie will have a better idea of what to expect. It took a lot of coaxing to get her to find all the eggs, especially since her basket contained plenty of candy.

Easter

2011-04-24T15:39:00.000-07:00

We feel extremely spoiled. Grandma T. made Maggie's her Easter dress. It fits perfect and matches her personality. Between grandparents and aunts there is hardly an outfit in her closet we purchased. She definitely gets to dress like a princess. Thanks Grandma... we love the dress!

Yoga Master

2011-04-17T23:01:00.000-07:00

Don't try this stretch at home. Paige captured this wonderful series of images at National Yoga Championship. It looks almost like baseball... but in fact this is Professional Yoga... it is a new Olympic sport. Every Yoga Master gets a number, a cap, mitt and tights. The mitt is used for balancing and extremely delicate, almost ballerina like, moves. They are judged on their balance, rhythm, foot placement and mastery of one-foot movements. The new sport has been criticized for its similarity to the American past-time sport, baseball. But other that the field and outfits, these two sports are nothing alike.

Puzzle

2011-04-12T16:57:00.000-07:00

Ever wonder where your day goes? I love the scene from "About a boy", where the jobless bachelor Huge Grant breaks-down his day into various activities and then he wonders how normal people fit a job into their lives. Most days it is struggle to get everything in. I was so excited to have a day with nothing on the schedule. I was going to get so much done, including cleaning the house. I cleaned the bathroom and I seemed ahead of schedule. Then we went out to the garage and I worked on a project. Then we went on a bike ride and to the park. Then we ate a late lunch. Then we took some pictures. Then Grandma called and said she was almost here. And then Sara called to say she was coming home early. Somehow I had neglected the rest of the house, it was a disaster. There was paper all over the floor and furniture thrown about from the photo-shoot. None of dishes had been washed. The floor still needed to be vacuumed. Breakfast and lunch was still on the table. Maggie's toys were everywhere. I was sweating bullets for the next twenty minutes. Who knew I could move so fast. Okay, the dishes didn't get cleaned but the house looked nothing like it did twenty minutes prior. Whew! Anyway, I threw Maggie in some old mismatched clothes because we were going to the garage but later we ended up taking a slew of pictures... and I was thinking about the lighting and everything else but FORGOT she was in this awful outfit. Anyway, she currently doesn't care what I dress her in, besides she was too busy with her puzzle and barely noticed the camera. Moments later, it would be one more thing I would be scrambling to pick up. Of course, Maggie's outfit was the first thing Sara noticed when she walked through the door... and that was a good thing!

Stuck

2011-04-11T16:54:00.000-07:00

Maggie invented this sign for stuck. We often wonder where all these things come from.

Maggie's Artwork

2011-04-10T17:00:00.000-07:00

Okay, they are just scribbles but these are beginning to turn into something.

Paige is the word

2011-04-09T19:49:00.000-07:00

Maggie has been excited the whole week anticipating Grandma's visit, but without fail every time we mentioned Grandma she would ask for Paige... go figure! Paige is the only name she knows by heart. Despite the misunderstanding, she was happy when Grandma Richins showed up today... even if Paige wasn't there. I guess she can wait another week for Paige.

Things break in threes

2011-04-03T18:01:00.000-07:00

It started with the water heater. A small drip was puddling in closet outside making its way inside... osmosis . I think Clarke and I spoke more this month than in the entire year of 2010. I called him a dozen times with various questions. I installed an energy efficient water heater from GE. It took a little bit of a day. I ended up taking the door off the closet. It was such a tight fit that I had to kick it through the doorway and then gently maneuver it around the gas outlet that projects ten inches into the closet. It was a tight fit but I was so happy to see it light up without the house exploding.

It was followed by our dishwasher breaking. I pulled it out and tinkered with it for awhile and order a part, which came but didn't fix the problem, which took me back to square one. We have resigned to washing our dishes by hand... quite aweful, I know:)

Then in an effort to get a banana off the counter, Maggie dropped my camera on the floor. The lens hood snapped in half and the fall warped the mounting bracket on the lens ($1,800) and who knows what else. While taken apart the lens a small spring fell out. I picked up all the small screws and spring and put them in bag. Last week the new bracket arrived in the mail and I managed to get it all back together after several attempts. I still will need to send it to a service center to repair the internal seal... which is well beyond my mechanical skills... but at least it works and seems to take pictures without any major distortion.

Cousins

2011-04-02T14:08:00.000-07:00

Another one of my favorite pictures of Taya with her cousin Megan.

Taya and Maggie

2011-04-01T21:06:00.000-07:00

This is one of my favorite images of Taya with her baby sister. I planned to post a series of images of her during her birthday week but I lost all my steam. This picture was taken under my favorite tree in Fairview, in front of Grandma and Grandpa's old house. I think my Mom planted the tree in her childhood.

Stretches with Maggie

2011-03-30T09:00:00.000-07:00

My chiropractor has me on a rigorous stretching and exercise program, which is difficult because every time I get on the floor, Maggie thinks it is playtime. Her endless supply of energy keeps me laughing.

Spondylolisthesis

2011-03-29T20:30:00.000-07:00

I was born with a mild case of spina bifida. I went into surgery immediately after entering the world and because of it I have lived an active pain free life... that is until recently. MRI's revealed the difficulty and at the beginning of the year I started decompression treatment, hoping to avoid back surgery. At the close of last year I could barely stand on my feet more than five minutes without severe pain radiating down my left leg. Since I have embarked on this journey I have seen numerous doctors, all of which recommend surgery, of course... but we hope the decompression continues to be successful. I am currently optimistic, since my pain level has dropped significantly. I still experience mild numbness if I am on my feet for hours during the day but my pain level has significantly improved. Only time will tell.

Maggie and Mom

2011-03-28T10:00:00.000-07:00

Sunday was nice and relaxing. I finally felt the urge to pull my camera out. Sara was patient as I set everything up for my all-natural photos. I fed Maggie slices of dried apple to keep her engaged. Sara fell into a slumber towards the end... but it was all for a good cause.

Maggie swings

2011-03-27T10:45:00.000-07:00

Maggie graduated to the big swings. She still needs an occasional push... but don't we all need a little push now and then.

Hair pulling

2011-03-07T18:00:00.000-08:00

I don't know if any of these pictures made it to the blog but these are some of my favorite images of Taya with Maggie, especially this hair pulling series.

Cousins

2011-03-06T10:47:00.000-08:00

Here is a picture of Taya with her cousins. She will be eighteen in a few days. There is sixteen years between Maggie and Taya. We feel fortunate that each child has a great set of cousins. I love having cousins, they have always been a great influence for good in my life.

Cousins

2011-03-04T23:50:00.000-08:00

The boys club and a girl

Switch

2011-03-03T20:58:00.000-08:00

Maggie playing with the light switch

These boots were made for walking...

2011-03-02T20:57:00.000-08:00

Belly

2011-03-01T20:51:00.000-08:00

"Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies." Proverbs 31:10

Despite the pregnancy blues, Sara is amazing. Everyday she gets up at the crack of dawn and regardless of how she feels, she drags herself to work. She is truly amazing and wonderful. Her heart is always in the right place.

Snack

2011-02-28T17:24:00.000-08:00

This is a fraction of the emotions Maggie will pass through during a quick snack.

Maggie's birthday

2011-02-27T20:06:00.000-08:00

Maggie turned two without a lot of fan fair. Family from across the country sent packages... and before we could eat dinner the present were opened. She took it very seriously and didn't break between gifts. We had a simple meal of chicken nuggets with home-made honey mustard sauce and a side of cabbage salad. Somewhere during clean-up I realized our dishwasher was broken... what I thought would be a 15 minute detour slowly turned into an hour... until, it was getting late. So I bagged my man project and finished decorating the cake, angel-food from scratch with fresh strawberries, whip cream and cookie crumbs. Maggie quickly dispensed with the candles and before we knew it were we all eating cake, that is... all of us except Maggie, who had pushed it aside to eat the ice cream.

Maggie was all business

Intermission between presents

Back to work

All in a days work

Come on Mom, we have got work to do

Ahh, finally I found what I was looking for...

perfect for my sweet tooth.

No trick candles here!

You never know...

2011-02-20T20:21:00.000-08:00

You never know what kids are going to like... Maggie loves her two hand puppets from Grandma Richins. She gets some big laughs when we play puppets and wrestle... these aren't nice lizards, so she has sustain all kinds of injuries and tears... but no matter what... she still keeps coming back for more.

Henry's first pictures

2011-02-19T20:03:00.000-08:00


3 lbs and growing. Profile (upper left). Hands (upper right). Mr Johnson (lower left). Sucking thumb (lower right).

Way back when...

2011-02-18T19:40:00.000-08:00

Ya, I know I am slow at getting pictures up... these or from Christmas... Maggie and Cousin Payton. Enjoy!

A little Ray of Light

2011-02-17T13:52:00.000-08:00

Say Yes to the Blessing Dress

2011-02-16T09:41:00.000-08:00

Valentines

2011-02-15T10:38:00.000-08:00

Sara's made these beautiful valentine crepes

I wish you could have seen her face after, that was a sight!

Everyone in the family went crazy with Valentines gifts.

I should document all the wonderful cards we received.

No stopping for Sara. For dinner, Valentines Pizza!

Premiere: Behind the Motel Curtain

2011-02-07T22:52:00.000-08:00

The family traveled up to Cedar city for Ginny's baby blessing. We made a little film while waiting around. It doesn't get much better than this.

Birthday wishes

2011-02-03T21:07:00.000-08:00

This is a creepy video I made about my birthday. Thanks everyone for making it special. Thanks Blake and Whitney for your beautiful voices.

Maggie pies

2011-01-22T14:00:00.000-08:00

Maggie is growing fast and I keep forgetting to write down some of the little developments in her life. She still doesn't really talk. Her preferred method of communication is crying, unfortunately it gets the best response times. She has a few words and does a lot of pointing and signing to manage her world. She has started to develop as sense of where everything goes. I occasionally place my keys in the front closet. The other day while we were going out I told her I needed to find my keys. So she immediately went and opened the closet, where my keys were hanging.

She knows were all her favorite foods are hidden. She loves to help in the kitchen. I always let her pour the ingredients into the bowl. She will even stir the pot for awhile. But her favorite thing to do is watch Dad cook while she eats raisins. This week I set her up at the kitchen sink where she scrubbed the dishes for a half hour. I also got her to vacuum the floor. My goal is to have her doing all the cleaning and cooking by the time she is three.

But despite all the time we spend together... her favorite time is still with Mom, go figure.

Grafittian

2011-01-21T00:00:00.000-08:00

Damn those box of crayons. I guess we knew this day was coming. Maggie's artist side hit with full force. She tagged two walls. As it turns out baking soda works wonders on crayon. I put her to work the second time and she dutifully scrubbed it all off. But that didn't stop her. At least the third time we turned it into a photo opp. She didn't seem to feel too guilty.

Donavan Favorites

2011-01-20T08:09:00.000-08:00

Musical chairs

2011-01-17T08:38:00.000-08:00

I am amazed when one shot turns into several without moving an inch. It is fun to watch pictures grow and shrink.

The boys

2011-01-16T08:00:00.000-08:00

Current score: boys 4 and girls 2... and boys are about to score another point.

Torgerson Christmas mornin'

2011-01-15T08:22:00.000-08:00

Meet Virginia

2011-01-14T23:20:00.000-08:00

Maggie's first girl cousin on the Torgerson side.

Bad behaviors

2011-01-14T21:36:00.000-08:00

As of lately, one of favorite quotes comes from President Boyd K. Packer:

“The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior. Preoccupation with unworthy behavior can lead to unworthy behavior. That is why we stress so forcefully the study of the doctrines of the gospel” (Conference Report, Oct. 1986, 20)

I like to study behavior. It is easy to get preoccupied with changing behavior and setting new goals. Sometimes I think I can offset my bad behaviors by performing kind deeds but rarely does this result in changed behavior.

For example: my plan to lower my cholesterol started by eating healthy meals. But a growing craving for sugar, sausages, bacon and eggs was working against me. It is an ironic game. I might cut out eggs but I justifying eating 5lbs of peanut M&Ms... or vice-versa after eating a cake I might cook a vegan meal.

Another interesting behavioral phenomenon happens whenever I travel. I stop doing all my daily healthy routines. I stop praying. I stop studying the scriptures. I stop eating healthy food. I stop exercising. It is like all of the rules of the universe that I normally follow no longer apply.

So... something strange happened while we were away visiting family for Christmas. I picked up a little book, "Choosing Glory". The author helped me clarified the different laws of behavior (D&C 88:22-24). It really helped clarify some key doctrines. My studying of doctrine was unintentional but I noticed something. I felt this strange inner strength.

There is also something about raising a child. Routines become a life safety. When I don't have routines everything feels like it is falling apart. Traveling especially unravels daily routines... and so whenever we return home I am grateful to regain my routines and recharge my spiritual batteries. But on this trip I somehow maintain a small charge and... I noticed.

It got me thinking about President Packer's quote. If every time I found myself writing goals, I would study gospel doctrine, more of my goals might meet fruition. The last few weeks of study scriptures have been empowering. I started to wonder about what real change is. It seems hard to change especially as I age. Despite gaining a knowledge of the negative impact my behaviors have, it is strange how often I act against my beliefs and better judgment. I definitely can see how I exchange long term happiness for the immediacy of the moment.

On the other hand, even when we remove addictions and bad behaviors from our lives, we still may feel empty. Real change results in a positive behavior. The ultimate goal result is increased acts of kindness. Ideally the new changes would become second nature, result unknowingly in good acts. Change never seems to include going from negative to neutral, it always goes from one opposite to the other... unless you are talking politics. But honestly, when I thinking of change, I think of the things I want to become NOT the things I don't want to become.